Remembering My Friend, Dr. Rita Bornstein

Greetings, dear readers. Today, I’m writing to honor my friend, Dr. Rita Bornstein, Rollins College President Emeritus, who died peacefully this week, on January 9, 2023, at her home here in Winter Park, Florida. Her accomplishments are legendary; her life of service was outstanding. I’ll give you some links to articles about her, but mainly in this post I’ll share how she touched my life with her kindness, generosity, and friendship.

Some people you cross paths with make a surprising and unusual impact on you, making your life’s journey more meaningful and happier than you could ever imagine. Dr. Bornstein was one of those people for me. From our early personal acquaintance in 2000, she asked me to call her Rita, so I’ll do that here.

But first, about Rita’s public service …

The public Rita

Rita was a scholar, educator, author, philanthropist, activist, supporter of The Arts, promoter of a liberal arts education, as well as a wife, mother, step-mother, grandmother, friend to many, and had loved dancing ballet, just as I had at one time. Here’s a peek into her life from the32789 link below.

Born in New York, Bornstein was inspired by dance and attended the Lester Horton Dance Theater in Los Angeles. Despite a love of performing, she became dedicated to furthering her education and enrolled in Florida Atlantic University after moving to Miami in 1960. While raising her children, Rachel and Mark, she earned a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree in English literature before beginning her studies at the University of Miami. She graduated in 1975 with a doctorate in education leadership and instruction. Later in her career, she would receive honorary doctoral degrees from Florida Atlantic University, the University of Central Florida, and Rollins College.

As you’ll see in all the following articles, she had a stellar career. Take a few minutes to get to know about her.

A Message on the Passing of Rita Bornstein (rollins.edu)

Remembering Rita Bornstein · the32789

First female president of Rollins College passes away at 88 (wmfe.org)

Maxwell: Rita Bornstein left legacy in Central Florida (orlandosentinel.com)

The start of Rita and me

In 1990, from my seat in the gym’s bleachers, I saw a tall woman wearing a black ceremonial robe on stage at Rollins. Her good posture and glowing smile alone conveyed a regal, confident, and happy person. It was fall, the start of my first semester as a Rollins student. It was Rita’s first semester, too. Only she was on stage because at this ceremony she would be invested as the 13th President of Rollins College, its first woman president. And she was the first Jewish president of the college, too. As I watched her on stage, my admiration swelled at her accomplishment. I was only three years out of a patriarchal, fundamentalist Bible cult, and yearned to see strong, educated, poised women like Rita in action.

As an incoming student there, I’d decided it was important to show up for this event. I wanted to witness this significant moment in the college’s history—a peaceful transfer of power. I wanted to show respect for the person who would serve as the next President of this outstanding liberal arts college. I’d just been awarded a scholarship, so that honor had already enhanced my connection to the college. I certainly planned on graduating from it in a few years, and imagined walking across that same stage in front of me. I knew that Rita would be officiating on my graduation day. The featured photo captures that moment, four years later. I was so nervous, awed, and joyful I thought I’d faint!

But in 1990 at Rita’s investiture ceremony, as I sat in those bleachers, it certainly did not cross my mind I’d ever get to know this impressive woman. Surprise, surprise. Life has a way of taking us to unexpected places. Not only did Rita hand me my diploma in 1994, but after Hoyt Edge and I got together in 2000, and married in 2002, Rita and I did gradually become friends.

Hoyt served there as Professor of Philosophy, and for a time as Associate Dean, then Interim Dean, during his long tenure at Rollins (1970 – 2014). Over the years, both before Rita retired and afterwards, the two of us had the honor and pleasure to be with her at all sorts of events: dinner parties large and small, birthday celebrations, faculty and Emeriti meals, monthly Rollins Womens Association (RWA) lunches, discussions in our home, the book party for Undertow, outings to the local movie theatre, and after she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, we “walked with Rita” to fundraise for a cure.

One time at our house, just before dinner, she sat on the sofa with me to discuss her comments on a chapter of Undertow’s manuscript. That gesture of care, something she’d offered to do, meant the world to me.

Rita supported my writing life

Over the years, Rita nudged me along in my work. Here’s this from “Acknowledgements” in Undertow:

I want to highlight my appreciation of Dr. Rita Bornstein, President Emerita of Rollins College, who introduced me to author Joanie Schrim, who recommended editors Alice [Peck] and Ruth [Mullen], through whom I found Duane [Stapp], Undertow’s designer–this string of talent made real the motto, “It takes a village.”

In my second book, From the Porch to the Page: A Guidebook for the Writing Life, there’s a chapter called “Nudge Reports: Making Impossible Dreams Come True.” Here’s the section that describes what my friend Rita thoughtfully did for me:

These reports tracked my to-do tasks related to the book [Undertow]. Thus Nudge Reports were born. The name derives from a friend who’d called herself a good “nudge” because at every opportunity she asked me how my writing was going: was the book finished, did I have a publisher yet? After about six months of rejection slips, she said, “If you don’t find a publisher soon, tell me you’ll publish it yourself.” She’s a friend who is hard to argue with. I said, “I will.”

Rita was that nudge friend. Before publication of Undertow, she also joyfully wrote an endorsement, which appears in the front pages.

After publication, ever the advocate, she told me not to be shy in promoting my story. Take a box of books around in the trunk of your car! Hand out your business card everywhere. To help, she invited me to share my book and speak about my cult experience at her retirement community, called The Mayflower, in Winter Park. When I gave a similar presentation in Knowles Chapel at Rollins College, Rita showed up for me there, too.

Honoring Rita

In closing, Rita taught by example how important it is to show up, especially for our friends. Be there when possible at life’s crucial moments. Offer kindness. Extend generosity. Enjoy this time on earth together.

For sure, we are grieving over the loss of our friend, Rita, more than I can express. But her example of determination and love and so many other qualities of living well, nudges us onward.

One last memory: I remember at a holiday party for Emeriti faculty, Rita stood up and urged us all to do whatever we might regret not doing. She said, “I wish I’d written more poetry.” I was astonished. Thankfully, she resumed doing just that a few years before she passed away.

So, I’ll leave you with my favorite poem about mourning. Maybe it will help you when you grieve over lost loved ones. It’s from Jack Gilbert, published on the Poetry Foundation website. Read it here.

Your writer on the wing,

Charlene

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