Strike a Pose: The Glom-on-you Guru

Hi readers,

You may know I was swept into a cult for a time. Yeah, a really long time. Seventeen years. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.

I was recruited when I was a teenager. I was ignorant. I was curious.

Define guru, please

I learned from taking philosophy classes that it’s a good idea to define your terms. I’ll go with Merriam-Webster; you take which harm-neutral description you like:

1. a religious teacher and spiritual guide in Hinduism

2. a teacher or guide that you trust

3. a person who has a lot of experience in or knowledge about a particular subject

What I’ve noticed about gurus, the sleazy kind

My curiosity opened me to others’ agendas, so along came a cult guru who said, “Hey, do I have a deal for you! It’ll change your life. C’mon, join the many others who’ve seen the light here!”

If you see or hear something like that, say something. Better yet, do something. It is highly probable that you are in the company of a guru, the sleazy kind.

And he or she will not be wearing a T-shirt advertising their guru-hood like the guy in the free picture I used for this post. What’s he doing anyway? Peeing into the lake?

Sleazy gurus pose

And they don’t strike the kind of pose Madonna sang about. Guru-poses are arranged to draw you to them, lure you in for a closer look like a sequin jacket in the eveningwear aisle. They make you worry that you might miss out if you don’t take that closer look. They count on your impulse buying power.

Sleazy gurus glom

Gurus collect people. They glom onto you. They catch you. They pass the collection basket around and make you feel you must contribute. Collecting is not the same as loving. Love has no agenda. Being on someone’s recruitment list is not the same as being loved by them.

Sleazy gurus sell

Selling is not loving. Which is not to say that someone who loves you could not also sell you something good for you. What I’m saying is that sleazy gurus are about ONLY selling you something. And boy do they have an agenda for you! Special today! A new and improved life especially designed for daywear, eveningwear, anytime wear. In other words, one size fits all and one design flatters everyone. Really?

Sleazy gurus are not genuine teachers

You can tell. They don’t honor your wish to fly using your own wings when you’re ready to leave the nest. They keep you under their suffocating feathers and dependent on their delivery of the next juicy worm.

Geez, Charlene. Are you having a cult-guru flashback? Yes.

Good gurus

Not all gurus are sleaze bags. Good gurus have a tendency to say a few well-chosen words, listen closely, laugh often, and go on their way trailing the noticeable perfume of respect for your autonomy.

What to do about the sleazy guru

If you suspect that a counselor, a mentor, a teacher, a tutor, a family member, a boss, a neighbor, a co-worker, a pastor, a colleague, a priest, or a friend might be a glomming guru, test the person. Here’s how.

Disagree with them.

Don’t argue, just express an opposing opinion on something. Do it nicely. Be genuine. If this irks them, if you notice they tense up and offer a quick argument, that their eyes bug out in a look of fright over losing their power and influence over you, if they interrupt you with their own interpretation of what they think you are thinking, then that moment is your AH HA moment.

Extricate yourself. Do it right away. Say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” Or, as our friends at Monty Python would say, “Run away, run away, run away.” (Me thinks that ’twas in the Holy Grail story, but maybe not. Does anyone else remember?)

So, I’m saying put space between you and a glomming guru. It may sound easy. It is not. Just like getting old, it ain’t for sissies. But it is a whole lot more fun and a million times better than the alternative.

See you next time when I’ll share a bit of our trip to Italy, 2003.

BTW – all of these posts are stored on this website forever unless I decide to delete them. One way to find them is to go to the Home page, click on “Blog,” and like magic they’ll appear.

Share this…

email

Facebook

Linkedin

Twitter

Print